Butterflies
by Angela and MiniMix
Summary: Someone's thinking more than they should be thinking....A collection of oneshots. Pairings vary by each oneshot, some characters may be used more than once in different pairings.
1. Bakura

**These are written in the style that they are written in on purpose**** I know it may seem confusing, but it's an insight into the minds of all the characters I'm writing them about, and it is a collection of one shots. I****made them confusing **_on purpose_** Because the characters speaking are just as confused.**

**Bakura.****  
**

* * *

He hated butterflies because they made him think. They made him think of things he didn't want to think about, things he'd rather not remember. Thing that hurt so bad it made his non existent heart bleed and tear itself into pieces and writhe in agony like it was on fire, but that heart didn't exist so it couldn't really do that, could it? 

It could.

They flitted flower to flower, flying like there wasn't a care in the world. Oh gods how he hated them.

They were pretty, just like HikariAngel, and and they danced in the breeze the way HikariAngel sometimes danced when he though no one was watching and oh how he loved to watch him dance because it was so pretty and he never wanted him to stop. But then HikariAngel would see him and he'd stop and turn so pink and say he was sorry for acting like a child and how he hated that moment for all of eternity because his lovely HikariAngel had stopped dancing and retreated back into the cocoon that he'd forced his little butterfly to build because he made him hurt.

He hated butterflies. So fragile they made him remember that things could break if you squeezed them too hard he was squeezing HikariAngel too hard and he would break if he didn't stop but he couldn't stop, he just _couldn't.  
_  
HikariAngel was just like a butterfly because he was so weak and fragile but he loved to be outside in the sun and he never let him out into the sun because others might see his butterfly and he hated that idea because HikariAngel was _his_ and no one else's and if the YamiPharaoh knew that HikariAngel was his then he might try to take him away and they couldn't have that.

Butterflies reminded him of little sparks of fire that set villages on fire and claim lives to make gold and magic and peace but really make shadows and hate and revenge and death and so many many tears that he can't stand it!

He likes to tear the wings off of butterflies because he tore of HikariAngel's wings a long time ago, and yet he was still trying to fly because he didn't know he'd been stripped of his freedom and his wings and that he was hurting so much that he could just die. Just like he'd been stripped of his wings so long ago and he'd had the gates of the AfterLife slammed in his face and that hurt oh that hurt so bad but he was okay and he just wanted to die too like mortals do but he couldn't, he wasn't allowed.

He hated Butterflies because they made him feel and he didn't want to feel anymore.  
_  
_

_And still the butterflies danced in the flowerbox under the windowsill, always oblivous the eyes of the spirit that watched them day in and day out._

* * *

And that's "chapter" one. I'll be labeling the top of each one with the entity that's "thinking". 


	2. Marik

Marik.

* * *

If he's me, then who am I? Am I me too? Or am I someone else who's not me?What is "me" anyway? What defines it as me and not someone else? 

If he's me and I'm him but I'm still me and I love him then do I love him or just myself and is it really love, I'm so lost. He always tells me that I'm me and I'm him and he's himself but he's me too because we're together and there really isn't an "I" but only an_ us _but how can that be? How can there be no I in us if we're two sepereate people and why does he say we are but we aren't and I get so confused listening to him because it makes no sense and why do the butterflies make me think of him?

They flutter and flit all over just like he does when he's talking and doesn't want to talk if I bring things up he doesn't like and he dances with me verbally because he won't remember, doesn't want to remember. He's the anxious little butterfly that I see on the windowsill who knows it's safe but doesn't believe it anyway even though I tell him it is and then he says I don't know it because I'm not him, but he tells me I am him, so who am I?

I'm his pretty pretty flower who he drinks from and lives on and is part of him but something else entirely and no no I'm not a flower, I can't be a flower I'm too ugly and he says don't be silly you are too and I smile but inside I'm really dead because I know I'm not pretty like a flower, I'm too withered and dry.

There's so much confusion and insecure and difference but overwhelming sameness I can't breathe it's so bright I'm blinded help me see Other Me who is me but isn't me.

I hate the butterflies but I love them too and I hate him but I love him, he likes meat and I hate it but I like it too and he hates it really. He's with me but he's never there and I never leave him but he won't let me be with him. We're two halves of one whole, I'm a complete but I'm only half and he's only half but he's still complete because he doesn't need me the way I need him.

Oh, that butterfly again it comes and comes and why won't it stay away I want to squish it but then he'd be gone and not come back and I hate being alone like he loves it and why the same, what's the difference there it is I see it now.

We're too different and we're too much of the same so I'll watch the butterflies instead and pretend that I'm me and he's him and I'm him and he's me and together there isn't a "me" but just an_ us._

_  
And the little butterfly flittered all over the place by the window, never knowing that it was being watched by the forever empty eyes of a soul who wasn't really a soul.  
_


	3. Joey

**Joey**

* * *

He's so logical, I don't know why all he does is think and think and think and it makes me so mad because I want him to _do_.

He's so cold but he's really warm and he's loving but he's so cruel it makes me angrier than when he's thinking and not doing. I hit him and he hits back but I'd never hurt him and he'll never hurt me but it always hurts because he loves me but doesn't care. His eyes are so emotionless so painful like ice little shards of blue crystal, and mine are like warm honey but when I look at him they're hard amber and he looks at me, and the ice melts just a little even as it freezes more because he doesn't want me here with him when he misses me late at night but I show up anyway. Why do I keep coming?

He tells me to go away but he doesn't want me to leave, does he? Yes he does, he does does does, but I'll stay anyway because it makes him mad but he's really secretly happy because he doesn't want to be alone after all, it's all for show because people say things and he doesn't want it known that he can _do_ without thinking like he always does even when he shouldn't be and I feel lost when he touches me.

But I'm not lost, I'm never lost when I fall into the sharp sharp ice but I still can't find myself because the hard amber is breaking again and I'm broken but I'm whole why do I feel like a broken toy who's so unwanted?

I'm his little puppy dog and he loves me and pets me and plays with me but he hates me and he abandons me in the gutter and I'm left to fend for myself and steal from garbage cans because no one loves me but he takes me in from the gutter and feeds me and takes care of me. I can't fight him but I always do and he fights me so much but he refuses to as he slaps me for being stupid.

I'm not stupid but he thinks so and he doesn't really believe it, it's still just for show because I'm smarter than I pretend to be but I'm just an idiot in the end. I forgot why we started this in the first place but of course I haven't I could never forget why we started fighting and loving and fighting and loving it goes on forever because we love and hate and fight and love in endless circles like a broken merry go round that can't be stopped because it's so broken that it _can't_ be turned off or made to stop and yet there's a time when we do stop and then keep going again when we realize we've stopped for just a moment.

We don't want to stop but we hate going on and on and need to stop, want to stop never ever stop it'll hurt if we do because we'll fall off and oh god no I don't want it to hurt, _why does it hurt_!

I see butterflies a lot outside and they make me happy because they're so pretty but they're actually ugly in reality just like I'm so ugly and he's so pretty and he's uglier than me and I'm prettier than he'll ever be in his cruelty and kindness and what is really behind those eyes of his like sharp sharp ice or blue crystal? I don't know anymore but I always know because I'm inside him like he's in me but we're not really. I feel like I'm on fire with him and he feels like ice but he's really a fire and he knows he is and that he isn't.

And we'll keep going in these endless circles just like the butterflies who dance and dance and never stop dancing like our never ending merry go round that I love but we hate together until the end of Time because Time never ends so we'll never be together and always we'll be together.

_The butterflies never stopped dancing, even as the flames from the candle burned away their wings and they fell to the hardwood floor, forever wingless yet always flying._

* * *

That's number three._  
_


	4. Malik

**Marik.**

This was written at the request of my absolutely favorite gay pirate, Maliku Ishutaru. Here you go, lovely.**  
**

* * *

He has so many many walls and they'll never come down but I want them to come down and I'm trying to break them down, I'll never make them fall because he has no emotions but he has too many emotions that he can't handle them anymore they hurt hurt hurt.

I can help him I know I can, but can I really I don't think so, no no no. We fight so much but of course it's not fighting it's just disagreeing but it's not in the end because we end up agreeing to disagree so that's really agreeing, isn't it?

He's fuzzy like a kitten but he's not really fuzzy after all his claws are too sharp for him to be fuzzy, he never uses them on me but I have scars all over from them. We play games all the time he loves his games more than me but not as much as me and I love them too but they're so annoying, his verbal games that we love to play together so much. I'll lead him on a chase and he'll catch me and force it out of me but he can't catch me because I'm too slick but not slick enough to escape in the end because I come back and tell him anyway even though I don't wanna yes yes I do I'm a liar but I never lie.

He doesn't lie either but all he ever does is lie and speak half truths and falseness and his honesty is so black and white that it's turning grey and my own truth isn't even there anymore because what is truth really but a bunch of lies twisted so well that it looks like truth? That's what he does, he lies and cheats and steals and twists it all so well that it's really all truth and honesty and who says he's cheating?

I love to feel his hair between my fingers but I'm not allowed to touch him and he can't touch me and he does all the time and it feels so good but I feel like I'm on fire when he does because it hurts so much what is wrong with me is there something wrong with me?

He's so perfect and flawless but I see every flaw anyway and there's such horrible flaws that they become beautiful in an ugly kind of way is that possible? He says I'm so flawed that I'm ugly but I'm really beautiful because I'm not flawed at all even though he tells me I am then says I'm not really he was only playing.

He gives me things and takes them away again and he really is a bastard but that's okay I love him and hate to love him and love to hate him because I hate him as much as I love him he knows it and he doesn't care about it but he does he just says he doesn't I know it, I know know know it.

He's still like a kitten tearing into me with claws and teeth and ripping my wings off and playing with me like a kitten would a butterfly but I'm not really losing my wings because I never had any because I wasn't good enough for wings but I still lose them anyway just like he's lost his before and he loses them over and over and over everyday because he can't stop losing them since he isn't allowed to have them and he doesn't care he takes them back anyway and they get taken away one more time why does he bother? Does the thief want to fly too like the butterflies do because they're so free and he isn't he's trapped in the past by the chains he can't break, does he want them to break like mine did when Yugi saved me but he's too proud to say so and he won't ask for help from the only piece of his past that's left because he's a thief and a commoner and the Pharaoh isn't and he wouldn't help him anyway because the thief's past is so stained with blood, why so much blood, why why why?

Was it worth it in the end he says it was but I don't believe him because he looks so sad sometimes but then it's replaced by fire and chestnut and hatred and sharpness and anger because he's not allowed to be sad because that's weakness and if he's weak the Darkness will take him and he doesn't want to go back there anymore because he's already dead inside and doesn't want to remember that because it was so long ago and it hurt him but he won't say it hurt because he isn't _allowed_ to hurt, that's weakness.

The butterflies keep flying even in the rain, why do they do that? I hate the rain it makes me think of things that I shouldn't think of and he says he loves the rain, is it because he can sit and cry in the rain and no one will ever know because tears and rain look the same on his face and how can you tell the difference if there's no evidence and why would he cry he won't tell me he says he never cries that only Ryou cries and he cries because he's so weak and useless. I think Ryou's pretty and nice and gentle and soft in all the same places that the thief is rough and cruel and mean and sharp but he doesn't think so but I know it's right because Ryou is his Other, so he must be him but so much gentler and softer and just the right size to be his Other and that's what makes him so beautiful his Other because it shows what he is and he's so perfect and flawed.

And I love his flawed perfection.

_And the butterfly outside the sliding glass door succumbed to the end in the jaws of a playful kitten..._


	5. Yuugi

**Yuugi**

* * *

He's so defenseless but he has so many of them I can't break through and he's so cold oh gods the cold, but it's warmth really. I want to break through to him and satisfy the emptiness inside but there's no emptiness, where's it so empty and I've broken them down but that's not true there is nothing there to break down. I cry for him and he cries for him and we cry for each other but never cry never ever ever never.

The butterflies land in my hand and tickle my fingers and then _squishsquishsquish_, there's no more butterflies but they're still flying around my honey sweetened fingers and more _squishsquishsquish_ death death _death_ to the butterflies. And more honey and butterflies that come to my fingers and so much more squishing and death and butterflies on my fingers.

And I'm running away, run run run run far far far away to the ends of the Earth where he'll never find me but I can't leave this place because I can't leave him behind and I'll never leave him we love and love and love. So I stay and run and come back again drawn to him just like the butterflies to my honeyed fingers even though the sticky sweet means death like his sweet sweet smile means pain and pain and pain and such good good love.

Why do the butterflies come back, why are they drawn to the honey sticky sweet sweet death? Why am I drawn to the sweet sweet honey sugar smile that makes me hurt and flinch and love and die inside over and over? Am I the butterfly is he the honey sweet sticky sticky fingers that pet and smother but touch so gentle and then _squish_ you're dead?

He's a maze and he's so straightforward and there's so many doors I know where the real one lies yes yes yes yes I doooo, but he doesn't because he can't find it he doesn't know who he is but we found out together and oh oh oh oh oh he's still so lost and confused but I found him and he found me and we found each other yes yes yes!

He's mine and I'm his and we're each others but he isn't mine now because he's so cold and he's my _Other_ so he's always mine and we're always always together even if we're apart and we love love love I feel death death death breathing down my neck and strangled and choking and free and air!airair! but I'm not any of this and look I can see him!

And still the butterflies come to my honeyhoney and _squish_ they're dead.

_Yuugi watched impassively as he squished the butterfly between his fingers, smiling as always, and wiped it on his pants leg before dipping his fingers into the honey jar and holding them out towards the butterflies on the flower bush._

* * *

It's a bit shorter than the rest, but that's alright. I do think poor Yuugi has gone crazy. -heart-_  
_


	6. Mana

**Mana**

* * *

I think I love him but I know I don't, he killed Master so I can't love him but I think I do anyway because he's so beautiful and he makes me feel giddy and squirmy is it wrong? I hate him though, I shan't forgive him, never ever ever, Master was important but maybe he'd understand if I loved but I doubt he would, no no no no no. I still forgave him. 

Master would be ashamed, Master'd be furious but be proud that I moved on hate me for betraying him, hate me like I hate the thief who's silver and pretty and sweet and fire and hate hate _hate_.

The thief, he comes to me all silver and love and kisses me and tells me I'm so pretty, love love love he gives me flowers to call the butterflies, they're so pretty unlike me but he says I'm prettier. And I hate and love and he loves and hates and he hates me so because I'm scared of him but it hurts him so and he can't be hurt he's too strong.

He calls me weak, weakest link in the chain but I'm not weak he is and still I'm weaker, why why? He doesn't think I'm weak, it's all pretend but I am and he knows it and I''m so weak.

They gather in hundreds around my flowers, the butterflies see them? He's like one, but he isn't really, he burns them and they burn him and me and he's sad but he's never sad even as the angry fire that he is licks my skin and burns me to ashes with the butterflies, look, see them burn?

Oh Re, it hurts to love him and hurts more to hate him like I do and we go in circles, oh we're in love. I'm sorry Master, forgive and let live, but we never forgive and look, can you see the butterflies?

They're so beautiful, even as he burns them alive like he does to me.

I love him, and he hates me.

But he's still mine.

_And Mana watched as her silver lover burned the dancing butterflies..._


	7. Anzu

**Anzu**

* * *

Eternity never ends but Eternity has to end sometime because what is Eternity but the going on and on of Time and who measures time but humanity and when humanity ends so does Eternity, but of course when I think this out loud he tells me to shut up because that's just stupid and I need to stop being stupid. But I'm not stupid he's stupid how am I stupid I don't know, he doesn't either he just thinks he does but he doesn't really think so I'm just stupid for thinking so, no I'm not.

I fall into pieces for him but I never break never never ever but he rips me into pieces but I'm still whole because he can't really shred me oh yes yes he can yes he can no he can't, I don't know anymore. I like to talk but I hate making sounds because he gets angry and when he's angry it hurts but it's pretty what is it about him, I don't understand.

I'm in Paradise, but I'm not in Paradise after all, because he causes me so much pain, but it never hurts. I think I'm addicted to him, is there a cure for this? No, no, no cure, I know it, I knew it, do I know that, and there's always tomorrow, maybe I'll escape then, but why do I want to escape when I love him and he loves me and we're so loving but we're so hateful out of spite.

He's my lover and my best friend but he has no friends, friends are weakness no no no never make friends he hates them all and he hates me even as he's loving me. Body and soul entwined together for Eternity but he has no soul to bind to mine oh why why why did Pharaoh Other Yuugi have to take his soul away before I could ever see how beautiful it was. Oh but he's so evil he couldn't have a beautiful soul, it was twisted and black and i wouldn't be able to save it after all but try, try try, I have to try!

I think he stole my heart when I wasn't looking, this pretty pretty silver thief and his black ways, and he's crushing it in his fist oh it hurts, how it hurts!

And I think I've fallen too far to care that it hurts like this.

_The butterfly never made a sound as Anzu watched him crush it in his fist..._


End file.
